So i find myself at a crossroads.
I have stumbled through my career up to this point working my way in to a tight little corner.
I neither like my job, nor am i particularly good at it. But it does pay well.
I have been on maternity leave for the better part of a year and considering going back to my job is making me physically ill.
Leaving my daughter in the arms of someone else is the worst possible thing i can think of. I waited so long for her, and worked so hard to get pregnant and now i have to hand her off to someone else who will get to see her every day. I will only get to see her in the evenings and morning. I know, i know this is how everyone with kids is nowadays, but it doesn't make it right.
My husband suffers from depression and also is not happy in his job. He is still in the process of working his way up to being a full time smartypants, but is currently a fellow. This has been about 12 years in the making, with me supporting him (financially, emotionally, etc....) for 10 of those years. Now he tells me he doesn't want to do this anymore. That instead he wants to go and clean up the field after baseball games. Fun times, but how will that support us? It is, as always, all about him. Why can't it be about me for a change? Why can't i be the one that gets to go back to school, or that gets to stay home and raise our baby? When is it my turn? When will he be the grown up?
And my health isn't great. I could really do with working part time at a job that isn't a sitting down job.
I thought marrying someone who was on track to be a fully qualified smarty pants would mean that EVENTUALLY he would be the one bringing in the money. I always had hopes for the future, but now he is throwing them away.
What do i do? He is making it all about his depression, again, but isn't doing anything to get better.
Just because he has a mental illness doesn't make me any healthier.
So confused/frustrated/scared.
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