OK that sounds super negative but i am not a negative person.
My sister is a very difficult person to get along with. She is mean spirited, hard on her daughter, opinionated and just plain rude.
We have a long history of not getting along and things have gone crazy the past few months. On her birthday she was complaining that her young daughter didn’t do enough for her (meaning her ex-husband didn’t do enough for her), that one friend bought her too big of a gift and that another only took her out to lunch and didn’t get her a card. I always try and play the devil’s advocate as my sister does not see how many good things are in her life and doesn’t appreciate the simple things, only the monetary, tangible items. I sent her a nice gift box of specialty teas for her birthday, but you could tell that she didn’t like it when she spat out at the end of the conversation “oh and THANKS for the gift”. I am on maternity leave, my husband makes very little money so money is very tight. Plus i had to mail it to her that costs $10 extra, but she doesn’t see that.
Apparently after our conversation she called our mum to bitch about me and say i wasn’t being very sympathetic to her. Well no i wasn’t because she was being irrational. I was sympathetic at the beginning of the conversation but she beat me down. Anyway this was 2 months ago. Since then i have called her once, she has never called me. I emailed pictures of Baby A and she didn’t even respond to say thanks, or how cute they are. I tagged her on Facebook in the pictures as well and i can see she has been on facebook since then, but still no comment.
When her daughter was born 5 years ago i was all over her. Would do anything for her and wanted to see her all the time. I still do. But i can’t handle my sister. I have no desire to call her at all, but want to speak with my niece. That poor child has no hope in this life with her crazy parents. I wanted to be her one example of sanity and pure love with no conditions, but i can’t even speak to her.
It will be my daughters birthday on a long weekend this summer and i texted my sister to see if she would have her daughter that weekend and she said yes she would, but that she couldn’t commit to coming to Baby A’s birthday party (this is literally months in advance!!). I wouldn’t have missed her daughters birthday party for anything in the world. When she was sick when her daughter was a baby, i left work got in the car and drove up to her town to bring her down to my parents house. I have done so many good things for my sister, but she just gives me stress and anxiety.
My wedding was horrific because of her. I hated planning it. Every time i talked to her about it she just brought up something else that she didn’t like or that didn’t work for her. She didn’t seem to realize it wasn’t her wedding. I was so happy when the wedding was done, not just to be married, but so that i didn’t have to deal with my sister any more.
Then i struggled with infertility and it took me over 2 years to get pregnant. She kept comparing my lack of ability to get pregnant with her wanting another child but her husband not. She said it was just as hard. Instead of holding her own daughter closer she was a martyr to the fact that she had to be worse off then me.
Then on Christmas day she asked me if we still wanted her daughter’s baby stuff as they wanted to get rid of it and didn’t want to wait anymore to see if i was going to have a baby (they didn’t say that in so many words, but that was what they meant). THANK GOD i had literally just found out i was pregnant (although i hadn’t told them yet as it was still risky) as that would have DESTROYED me. To ask me that on Christmas, a day for children? what is wrong with her????
Then our mum let it slip that my sister was bad mouthing me behind my back, saying i was doing things all wrong with my baby (4 months old at the time). I stewed over it for hours and then spoke to my mum and asked her to not ever tell me if she says bad things about me again as it does nothing positive and doesn’t help me or Baby A in any way. My mum didn’t know what to do as we don’t generally talk in my family much less ask others to respect our feelings.
So i get stressed of this shit and can’t handle her being so rude and mean and i feel like i should say something. Like i should ask her what is going on, why hasn’t she called, why hasn’t she said anything about the pictures of Baby A?
And then i sit back and think, why bother? She adds no positive aspect to my life (aside from free baby stuff – which i can certainly do without!). She just drags me down and makes me feel bad about everything.
The only thing that makes me want to mend things is her daughter. I love that little girl so much and it physically pains me to not get to talk to her. I know my sister will bad mouth me and my husband in front of her if we aren’t there to prove her wrong. That poor little girl needs love and support and i just don’t feel she gets it unconditionally.
But i don’t think my sister deserves to be in Baby A’s life.
I don’t know what to do. We are seeing the family this weekend and i feel like confronting her, but at the same time i don’t because i don’t know what craziness she will come out with and i don’t know if it is worth it.
And don’t get me started about my parents. They seem to have jumped right on the crazy bandwagon with her. It makes me doubt myself every now and then. Am i the crazy one? I know logically i am not, but man people can mess with your heads so easily.
ugh. what to do.
(Originally posted on wittymum.wordpress.com on May 2/12)
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