So hubby and i have been trying for about 6 months to get pregnant. It took 2.5 years to get pregnant last time, and i assumed it would take a long time again. I have been seeing my endo for 2 months to get my hormones back on track and get back on my medications. She gave me blood work to do at certain times of my cycles (if i get to them).
So i went this week to have blood work done at peak plus 17, even though i was 97.5% sure i wasn't pregnant. Well tonight i had a call from my endo to tell me i had a positive HCG test, but that the numbers were so low it wasn't sustainable. I didn't fully understand so she told me that i had had an early miscarriage or what doctors call a chemical pregnancy.
I am numb. I am sad, but don't know fully how to feel. I feel like i should be sadder. I have been so overwhelmingly sad the past few weeks with my daughter going to daycare and me going back to work that i have been crying every day. I got a bit teary on the phone with my endo, but have pretty much held it together since. Although i do feel like i am in shock. I just feel numb more then anything else. It's like my brain and my heart just can't handle any more. I am sure when i actually process this i will grieve, but it just feels surreal right now.
Oh and to top it off tomorrow is my 35th birthday. Normally i don't care about age, but with trying to get pregnant it is a fairly scary milestone.
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