chemical what?

So hubby and i have been trying for about 6 months to get pregnant.  It took 2.5 years to get pregnant last time, and i assumed it would take a long time again. I have been seeing my endo for 2 months to get my hormones back on track and get back on my medications.  She gave me blood work to do at certain times of my cycles (if i get to them).
So i went this week to have blood work done at peak plus 17, even though i was 97.5% sure i wasn't pregnant. Well tonight i had a call from my endo to tell me i had a positive HCG test, but that the numbers were so low it wasn't sustainable.  I didn't fully understand so she told me that i had had an early miscarriage or what doctors call a chemical pregnancy.
I am numb.  I am sad, but don't know fully how to feel.  I feel like i should be sadder.  I have been so overwhelmingly sad the past few weeks with my daughter going to daycare and me going back to work that i have been crying every day.  I got a bit teary on the phone with my endo, but have pretty much held it together since.  Although i do feel like i am in shock. I just feel numb more then anything else.  It's like my brain and my heart just can't handle any more.  I am sure when i actually process this i will grieve, but it just feels surreal right now.
Oh and to top it off tomorrow is my 35th birthday.  Normally i don't care about age, but with trying to get pregnant it is a fairly scary milestone.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So hubby decided to "help out" for the first time in FOREVER!!!
He consistently tells me that he doesn't remember how to do anything and that is why he can't help.  So when he does try and help and does things that are wrong (i know that sounds judgy but it is important to me that my daughters dishes are sterilized properly and not hand dried with a gross tea towel!) and i tell him that they need to be done differently he gets super frustrated.
What, am i supposed to give him a friggin medal just because he makes an effort?  Even if that effort means i have to do it all again later in a more time consuming way then if it was done right the first time?  If he had just asked the question i could have quickly told him how to do it the correct way.  The way it has been done every single day for the last 6 months, if he had been paying ANY attention....

overwhelmed

So its been a while.  A long month or so of prepping Baby A for daycare, prepping me for back to work and trying to hold up the shattered remains of my family life.
Baby A started daycare part time and so far is doing ok, except not sleeping.  I still cry every day when i drop her off, but she for the most part is good.  This week will be hard as i am putting her in for 4 days.  heartbreaking :( .
My family have been pretty sucky.  Didn't call to wish me luck about Baby A's daycare, even when i had been sobbing on the phone with my mum the week before. Just in general being shitty people.  My sister is still for all intents and purposes not speaking to me.  Still haven't figured out how i have "wronged" her, but i am sure i did something horribly wrong in her eyes. Husband is losing his mind and slowly dragging me down with him.  he doesn't understand how hard all of this is for me to deal with. Friends seem to be getting sick of my constant negativity (and i don't blame them).  Every time i talk to them now it is about something shitty going on in my life.  Have been trying to figure out a part time back to work option but that doesn't seem to be working out either.  Which might be a blessing as hubby will likely be taking a mental health sabbatical, so we really need my money.  Not that i don't need my own mental health sabbatical!  I am clearly not strong enough to do everything for everyone!!
And i have ended my therapy sessions.  Not great timing, but with going back to work there won't be time to do it.
I feel like i am losing it and my eye twitch is making a comeback.
So why did i call this blog wittymum again?  I swear i used to be witty and i will be one day in the future, just too much to deal with right now.